Works of Art

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It’s been a long day. One of those days that knocks the wind out of your sails. It started a few weeks ago, really. My Littley (my six foot two, fifteen year old littley) called me up to his bedroom, in a way he hadn’t done since he was a small boy. I ran, the panic in his voice making me think he had fallen, hurt himself. Turned out, he wanted to talk. So I sat on the end of the bed, expecting to hear another overlong description of his new favourite game, or a rant about one of the teachers at school. Instead, he told me he was scared. That he had been seeing things, people, people who weren’t really there, who disappeared as quickly as they had come. He was hearing people call his name, felt he was being watched. And there were voices. Telling him to do things. Silly things, like making people laugh, but if he didn’t do it, the voices became angry.

I listened. I asked him what he wanted to do. Told him that perhaps we needed to talk to someone else, a doctor, someone who might have a better idea of what was going on. He wasn’t sure. So we agreed that if he changed his mind, if he felt worse, then we would go together.

Last week, he asked me to make that appointment. We saw our GP, a lovely man, who also listened, didn’t mock, and said he felt he needed to refer us to someone more specialised. And so today, we saw a psychiatrist. Who has started him on medication, arranged for him to have a CT scan on thursday, and wants a further consultation the same day.

Littley feels better already, for having spoken about these concerns, and for the positive reaction he has received. I feel as if the ground has just been pulled from under me. Angry with myself for being complacent, for being so wrapped up with my own stupid brain blip that I hadn’t realised he was struggling. For thinking that I could sit back, take my eye off the ball for a while. My two older boys are both dyslexic, and I battled fiercely to stop them being written off as slow and lazy. My daughter developed a rare form of epilepsy at the age of eight, and underwent five years of invasive dental surgery to correct her misaligned jaw. We came through all this, and I allowed myself to breath out. Littley appeared to have developed unscathed, and is a high achiever at school, with the world at his fingertips. Now I am worried sick that it might all be snatched away. So once again I am donning my battle armour.

Torn-Apart lifted my soul a little. We are a strange pair, sharing a slightly different view of the world from most. He said that maybe Littley can just see the gap in between. Made me feel more hopeful, somehow. It reminded me of when Littley was much younger, probably not much older than two. He came into the kitchen as I was preparing dinner, and told me his date of birth. It struck me as a very odd thing for such a small child to know, and so I asked if he had been doing a timeline at nursery.

“No, Mummy,” came the reply, “my ghost just told me.”

I had been considering what to post for the Weekly Photo Challenge, the theme of which is Art, and our concept of it. This evening it struck me that my children are my work of art, and nothing else will ever surpass them.

47 responses »

  1. Ah, how true. Will come back to this post as want to write more, but have to go to work now. Hugs to you and yours. I like the concept tha he may just see “in between”. I’ll be back.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Here is a huge hug!! I just want to ask, please don’t take offense. What if he is seeing ghosts? I have had experiences in my life that I know there is a beyond this life. I have nearly died and I know that a spirit intervened on my behalf. If I was missing something in my old house I could ask my grandmother or my Dad if they could find it for me, like car keys, and they would be in the center of the bed or on the counter. This is going to be hard, no matter what. I hope you Littley will be okay and know that my thoughts are with you and your family.

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    • No offence taken, I almost wish he were seeing ghosts. My family have always taken them as a matter of course, and I used to do the same as you whenever I was in the house where I was born. It’s when I first started being called Witch!! I face things like this head on, my biggest worry is that he will be labelled, which is incredibly difficult to shake off!! Thanks for your hug, sending one back! 😀

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      • I can understand that. I have been labeled myself with a history of depression and other issues. But, he can overcome labels. You are his Mom and an awesome example of this. He is as strong as his momma. He will overcome it. Especially with standing next to him with a big bat!!! 😀

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  3. I’d like to tell you a secret. There is a program here that follows a medium. She gives people messages of hope from their loved ones. Not only do I absolutely believe this is possible. It’s what inspired my love of genealogy and brought me back to religion. Big hugs to you and Littley.

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    • Thanks for sharing that with me, Nate. I do believe very strongly about this, it is the scepticism of others that bothers me. And I want to learn a lot more about what is happening to him, before he gets pumped too full of drugs. I am not anti-medication, just need to know how much is neccessary. Hahahah!! And I am a witch, after all!! 😀

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  4. Add my hugs to the others! I know that feeling of taking your eye off the ball all too well. We mothers are sure hard on ourselves, aren’t we? Let me see- our children really are our greatest works of art, aren’t they?

    I really hope your son is okay. How scary! I have to admit ghosts were the first thing that came to my mind too but it’s important that you rule out any possible medical causes. I’m a believer in spirits- I’ve been convinced that one lives in our house with us- but if something else is causing this and it’s able to be remedied, I’m sure your son just wants peace.

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    • Thanks Kat! Just felt a bit guilty because I have been so wrapped up in my own treatment. He feels more relaxed already, because no-one has ridiculed what he has had to say. The Doctor’s have been superb so far, but, as you say, I need to know all the facts. Going to do some research myself, did the same when my daughter became unwell, and I was being told it was migraine, which I knew for certain it wasn’t. I am off to UK on friday, to see family, will pick their brains too. 😀

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    • Thanks my gorgeous girl. Feeling a bit more focused today, was just a bit of a shock, really. Don’t want him to end up with a label. But hey!! At least he was happy enough to talk to me about it, which was cool!! You ok, honey? 😀

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      • Omg!!!! THAT IT’S DEFINITELY COOL….and you definitely are an AWESOME MOMMY THAT HE CAN COME TO YOU WITH THAT SHIT…I still have a hard time finding someone to trust to tell about my voices….

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      • Not bothered by the voices, more bothered by the crap he will have to endure from other people!! Wish I hadn’t listened to half of my voices!!

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      • voices are not so much uncommon, these days, I’m telling you…and don’t worry, mum, a person can hear voices and STILL LIVE A PRODUCTIVE FRUITFUL LIFE….I PROMISE…Littley just needs 1) UNCONDITIONAL LOVE 2) PATIENCE 3) UNCONDITIONAL LOVE 4) TOTAL POSITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT AT ALL TIMES….but it IS OK to tell LIttley when he’s acting like an ass…..if Littley had the courage to come to you, then Littley has the courage to withstand being told when he’s acting an ass.

        I love you, Nikki, I really do.

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  5. Good for you! I work in pediatric mental health and there are SO MANY parents who would try to sweep such issues under the rug, blow their kids off and say that they didn’t know what they were talking about, or just make fun of them. Your boy is going to be just fine with a momma like you.
    That being said, I know the exhaustion of a mom with a sick baby, no matter what his age. Hang in there.
    p.s. When The Shortest One was three she would make strange comments all the time about death and heaven and Jesus, even though we aren’t particularly religious or church-going. Sometimes I think kids just know things. They are much more sensitive and intuitive than us stubborn old adults.

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    • I think it helps that I am more than just a little mad myself. And I love that my kids feel they can talk to me about whatever is worrying them!! My sister’s boy has OCD and Tourettes, and she is an amazing mum too!! I agree with you about kids, They see what we have learnt not to see! Thanks for your support, means a lot!! 😀

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  6. I am with the others on saying you are a wonderful mother, I can tell that by the way you listened to what your son wanted to tell you, and then letting him know it was his decision as to what to do next. I hope that it is something that can be explained – either because he does have some extra perception that the rest of us lack, or that there is another cause with a “fix” – but only if that is what he wants.
    As parents we think we should know all, see all, and be all for our children, learning to step back and let them make decisions are really hard, but I think you have done a fantastic job, and that fact that he felt safe enough, trusted you enough, to tell you these scary things, speaks volumes about what kind of mother you are.
    I’m not sure what else you can do, except be the mother he needs right now, and all this must be extremely scary for you too, so I am glad that your torn apart is there for you, Knowing that there is someone to talk to, offer another view, just listen to your fears and worries, is an immeasurable kindness that we all need.
    Sending my best wishes out to the Universe, for you and your son and family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you my darling girl, I does love you!! He wants it to stop, so I will do everything I can to help make that happen. Torn-Apart is wonderful, was a bit wary about telling him, didn’t want to drown him in the whole “Oh by the way, here’s another eventful day in my family!!!” but he didn’t bat an eyelid. Actually breathed a sigh of relief, because he thought it was going to be a problem with me!! I’ve got past the initial dread, now we just get on with the job in hand!! The witch will prevail!! 😀 ❤

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  7. Well you already know that I have huge amounts of hugs for you Nikki, but you know, I also have to tell you that what you write about makes me feel as if I have known you for years. I only wish I had a mother like you, I won’t go into why I am saying that, but lets just say she was nowhere near as caring and loving as you are as a mother. When we get to finally meet, I may let you into more then, as I already know we two are going to get on so well. In the meantime, give my very best wishes to Littley and tell him from me that he has a wonderful mother who I know will get him though this and any other difficult times in his life. My guess is that he already knows that.
    Take care you.

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    • Hahahah!!! Be careful what you wish for!! My middle son did once say he was so glad he had me for a Mum, instead of a normal mum!! I think that was a compliment!!! Can’t wait till we do meet up, have a feeling no-one else will get a word in edgeways!!! Big hugs back 😀

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  8. Good luck to you and your son as you work to figure this out. It’s wonderful that you are seeking additional help. That always requires a tremendous amount of courage on the part of both you and your son. It’s so wonderful that he was comfortable enough to share this with you. Last year I had to seek treatment for one of my daughters for a variety of problems she was having and though it was scary, her life is so much better now. My thoughts are with you. 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for your support, he is much happier today, now he feels something is being done about it. We will be fine, I know, and yes, it is wonderful that we are so close 😉

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  9. People underestimate how psychic Scorpio’s can be. They are very intuitive, secretive and brilliant. My husband is a Scorpio and he actually sees the spirits, while I just feel them. I am a Pisces and we are the best match for each other. My Dad was a cancer. Any whoo..I hope Littley is doing better. Thinking of you and your family. Lot’s of warm, fuzzy thoughts and hugs your way.

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    • How was your Dad? I am cancerian but my experience of cancerian males has been strained, shall we say?! Love pisceans and scorpions to bits!! Torn apart is a capricorn, perfect foil for me!!! 😀

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      • He didn’t have the sense of humor that you do that’s for sure. He was super intelligent and crazy. He learned how to weld so he could build a steel hull boat. He learned how to forge so he could work on metal work for the Williamsburg Winery. He was an Earth Science teacher in High School for years. He had a Master’s Degree in Geology and Earth Science. He learned how to sail and sailed the Mediterranean for over 7 years. I am proud and conflicted about him. I suffered abuse and neglect at his hands as well. I don’t think you are anything like him.

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