Further Conversations with Teenage Son …………………



In the weeks before my first face to face reunion with Torn-Apart, I suffered a severe crisis of confidence. This was, after all, someone who hadn’t seen me for thirty years, at which time I had been a fresh faced young woman, barely out of her teens. Now I had hit the half century, had four children, and time and gravity had taken their toll.

The body part that Β took, as usual, the brunt of my self-loathing, was my stomach. No amount of careful eating, or vigorous exercise has ever persuaded it to revert to its pre-birth firmness. One particular evening, as I stood in profile in front of the mirror, poking it with a despairing finger, my Littley walked into the room.

“What on earth are you doing, Mother?” he asked.

“Hating my belly,” I replied. “Look at it, revolting. Why can’t I have a proper flat tummy?”

His reply was unforgettable.

“Why would you want to have a *V* stomach? (Referring to the shape formed by perfect abs). A bloke would need a crab claw hand to get hold of that! What you have is an *O* tum, far more friendly and comfy, like a little pillow. Think of it as your own little piece of Playdoh. If the guy gets bored, he can make little models of stuff with it!”

I can’t claim that it did anything for my confidence, but it did make me shout with laughter!!


About Thewitch

Nikki is a half centenarian, an eternal teenager, and mother of four geniuses. In her previous incarnation, she was a famous Parisian courtesan, and witch, thus explaining her habit of talking to the moon in french. Due to her inability to control her thought/speech processes, she writes about life, love, laughter and anything else that happens to spill out. Those of a strong constitution can read more on her About page.

15 responses »

  1. That is too funny! You all must have a very special and close relationship for this conversation to have taken place. πŸ™‚ And that is a good thing. A very good thing!


    • I am very lucky, my kids feel quite happy discussing most things with me! They are always quite surprised that their friends don’t do the same. They are never knowingly rude though, just sublimely funny!! πŸ˜€


  2. If laughter could erase all the damage done to our bodies over time I think you could be the next new body trainer. Nobody wants their flaws pointed out but in this case it would be hard to resist a laughing fit. They do say laughter can cure many things πŸ™‚ Great post, made me laugh which considering the week I have had was much needed!


    • Laughter certainly smoothes the sharp edges off life!! I am still fascinated by the speed at which my kids come back with these replies!! It is wonderful!! Glad it made you feel better too! πŸ˜€


    • Hahaha!!!! I know!! I mean REALLY?!! More likely be talked to death!! Actually nerves had set in on both sides, Torn Apart constantly referring to himself as a fat old man!! Er no!! Recognised him immediately from 100 yards away in rush hour tube crowds with his back to me!!!


  3. OMG…that was so freaking hilarious and so freaking sad both at the same time!!!!! Um…and believe me…my little girls ask me to do my “stomach trick” where I can bunch up all the stretched out skin I have from being pregnant and it looks wrinkly and disgusting and I do it for them every time, but make them swear to never tell what they’ve seen!!!


  4. Sons are great, aren’t they. Trying to say what they mean without hurting us too badly. I skyped with mine last night and the back and forth is still there. Gotta love em. Great post!


    • I love boys!! I adore my Darling Daughter, but she thinks nothing of flattening me with a raised eyebrow, whereas the boys are always there with a hug and a helpful (sortof) compliment!! Thank you!!


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