Dubious Conversations With Teenage Sons (#1,297)

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I have just had one of many somewhat dubious conversations with my fifteen year old. The sort where I wonder whether I should really have found some excuse to go into the kitchen and thus nip it in the bud. Except I got the giggles, and allowed it to descend into ultra outrageousness!! I am still not quite sure which topic for discussion on BBC’s political programme, Question Time, triggered his train of thought, but I suspect it may have been his brother’s remark that one of the guest politicians was a w!#ker!

“Did you know that the taste of your sperm depends on what you have eaten?” he blithely announced.

(You have probably already realised that this is the point at which I should have left the room).

Noncommittal grunt from mother, snort from older brother. Undaunted by lack of enthusiasm, he warmed to his subject.

“How did scientists discover that fact? Does that mean someone tasted it?”

Brother showing interest now, mother trying to keep features arranged into facsimile of responsible adult.

“I mean, how did they advertise thatΒ  job? And who applied for it? Did they leave school with that as their career ambition? Or perhaps they were targeted as unsuspecting unemployed wine-tasters? Do you have a discerning palette? Are you looking for new challenges? Can you think outside the box?”

Features going into meltdown now, brother already cackling.

“”Hhhhmmmmm…….I’m getting hints of garlic, with high notes of chilli and cumin, and…….let me see……a backnote of german lager! Am I correct?” “Ok Β Barry, lets do the reveal….. ” (brother does suspenseful drum roll) “….and you’re correct!!!!!””

Both boys now doing fake audience rapturous applause, responsible adult crying with laughter!!

About Thewitch

Nikki is a half centenarian, an eternal teenager, and mother of four geniuses. In her previous incarnation, she was a famous Parisian courtesan, and witch, thus explaining her habit of talking to the moon in french. Due to her inability to control her thought/speech processes, she writes about life, love, laughter and anything else that happens to spill out. Those of a strong constitution can read more on her About page.

33 responses »

  1. You know, most teenage boys are sulky and morose. I would say someone inherited your sense of humor. LOL funny.

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    • Thank god!!! He has his kevin moments, but he and his brothers are all daft as brushes!! Their mimed rendition of A Total Eclipse of the Heart is sublime!!

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  2. How funny! Your boys have a great sense of humor! My oldest and youngest sons have fallen into comedy routines rather easily- both being naturally hilarious- but they have kept it clean… So far.

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    • Mine are very near the knuckle sometimes, but they are so brightly funny with it!! Isn’t it ajoy to watch them when they do it spontaneously?!! My nearly nonteen does a very simple routine were he pretends he is a wobble head, but it makes me cry!!

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  3. Your son sounds amazing! That is one of the funniest stories that I have heard in a very long time. You may (or may not) want to inform him that the panelists were underpaid U.S. schoolteachers trying to make a few extra bucks over the summer.

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  4. OMG, that is hilarious. I can’t help but wonder what he’s going to think about this conversation in the future once he has more….ahem…experience! LMAO. Too cute. Glad you shared it.

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    • I am sincerely hoping he hasn’t already!! Hahah but now I have another item to show to future wife, along with cute naked fat pictures of him as a toddler!! Ahhh!! There are rewards to reap as a parent!!

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  5. Rolling on the floor, having convulsions. I did know this fact, my daughters told me some time ago, but luckily they didn’t go into the whole “you got that job?” thing. Big smiles.

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  6. As a Med Tech who has done the “whiff” test” as part of the analysis of semen I can say I am so glad there isn’t a routine taste test! (We always draw straws to see who the lucky one was whenever a sample came in) Great story!

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    • I will show him this!! My daughter is studying bio-med, and works in the labs here during hols. She has had a story or six as well! That story passes for a normal conversation in our house!! Deliciously mad!! Thanks for reading πŸ˜€

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  7. That was a good dose of ‘whiff’ information for me. haha. This could actually be reenacted in a stand-up comedy act. People would die laughing πŸ˜€

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  8. This was hysterical! It reminded me of the time my son was calling his friend a douche and I said, “maybe you should know what one is before you call your friends one”. He was mortified and decided to call his friend a hemorrhoid instead πŸ˜‰

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    • That is brilliant!! Just made me shout with laughter!! Don’t you just love boys?! Mine delight me daily, and still give me a huge huggle every night!! Even Biggest Boy, who is now 28, humungeously tall, and yet insists on sitting on my lap for a cuddle, when he is here!!

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      • awwww! Both of mine (14 and 25) love showing me affection in public and that is THE BEST feeling EVER! (Sometimes even I catch myself wanting to stop their obnoxious overt display and then I mentally slap myself…are you stupid woman?!?! Soak that shit up!!!) I just hope that translates to my girls (10 and 11)…if we could get past the eye-rolling maybe my hugs wouldn’t always resemble choking.

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      • Dem girls are hard work!! They don’t get the cuddles, or the kissing. Mine pulls the most pained face in the world when I give her a kiss on the cheek.But I adore her, and I will keep kissing!!

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    • Hahah!! My somewhat deranged gene, I suspect!! Thank you for the nomination, but I have taken a bow from Liebstering, having already done five!! Feel free to ask me questions though, I love talking!! Just had a mosey around your blog, loved it!! Especially the eavesdropping. I am so guilty of doing this to the detrement of the company I am actually meant to be with!!

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